Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Public Notice of Grammar Correction

Dear Justin Timberlake,

The Empire feels it is time to inform you of an egregious error against your own native language. The lack of acknowledgement and apology on your part can only mean that you are unaware of the error, and the Empire is sympathetic to your ignorance on the subject.

Please direct your attention to the "Comes Back Around (Interlude)" portion of your long player record entitled, somewhat offensively, FutureSex/LoveSounds. The Empire has noticed the following lyric included in a non-ironic way:
"You cheated girl / my heart bleeded girl"
It cannot be, Mr. Timberlake, that you are wholly unaware that the word bleeded is, in fact, in your language (English, the Empire can only assume, as most words you use, among them the (or, to you, thuh), are English) not a word. We, The Empire, assume you meant to say bled, as it is the past tense conjugation of the infinitive "to bleed," but chose the nonsensical "bleeded" to rhyme with "cheated". We do not agree as you must, that this is an acceptable stepping outside of the accepted usage; we are familiar with "poetic license" but you, sir, are no Suleyman the Magnificent, Percy Shelley or Leonard Cohen. While the Empire recognizes the degradation of your native language is widespread, the Empire does not condone any activity which contributes to it.

Thus, as reparation, we suggest you start simpler, and we look forward to your next song: "Justin Timberlake's ABCs." The Empire is interested to hear whether or not you will execute "L M N O P" correctly on the first try.

Thank you for your understanding, that we may not have to have this conversation in more "inquisition" type circumstances.


Cordially,
The Ottoman Empire

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