Public Notice of Distaste for Lunatic Reporter-type

It is no secret that the Empire is fond of a certain New York-based daily which occasionally likes to side with the Crazy Liberals the Empire would probably have locked in a dungeon and tortured in a manner befitting mutineers, scallywags and other crazy-go-nuts types, were they within the caliphs' jurisdiction. Alas, New York is not part of the Glorious Nation of Righteous and Subordinate Ottomans, and the Empire is fond of reading about Scooter Libby, ex-Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, he of the Exalted Forehead, and successful, award-winning gardens in Westchester County.

Thus, we were delighted to see the most hated Populist flayed in those hallowed pages like so much white, flaky Tilapia: see for yourself, noble readers.

This Dobbs of which the author of the article speaks has long pretended to be against the "elites" while dining among them, shopping at Brooks Brothers among them and riding in long, black cars through DuPont Circle among them.

For shame, false prophet. You are not the Populist of the people!

(Plus, Dobbs' attitude about immigration is woefully jingoistic, presenting guest "experts" who have suggested concepts like immigrants have a habit of molesting small children)

Notice of Political Annoyance

Let it be known that the glorious and omniscient powers-that-be within the Empire, totally called this thing in the land-formerly-known-as-Palestine.

We were all like, "Shouldn't pray for Arafat's death, dude. Totally, like, bad karma. And the death of one person never really solved any problems. (see: Saddam Hussein, death of)"

Bad karma, we said. Not going to solve anything, we said. Internal strife, we predicted. Because the Empire has been through it all! The Empire has seen and felt political upheaval. We have lost and then regained stability. In other words, we got this bitch.

And now, look. New man Abbas is all in there, and like, disbanding the government because of--what? what? Lemme hear you shout it, bitch--INTERNAL STRIFE. Which the Empire totally effing called, like, when Arafat died, way back in the aught-four.

So there. No solutions, only problems. That's the anthem, get your damn hands up.

Empire out.